Skip to content

a half hour in ‘the hills’

October 24, 2008

The Five Stages of Dying or What It Feels Like to Watch the Hills:

Denial: Try to convince yourself that you will not spend another Monday night watching Heidi, Lauren, and Audrina perfect the proper technique for staring uncomprehendingly during conversations while simultaneously nodding vigorously and appearing to be hypnotized by something over the other person’s shoulder.

Anger: Use Psychology degree to try to figure out whether Lauren is A. Helpless victim of fate or B. Passive-aggressive devil spawn.

Bargaining: Try to believe that there is no way that people really interact with each other like this.  Decide that film must be edited in order to make ordinary conversations appear both incredibly awkward and extremely dramatic, without either character using more than ten words.  Bonus points for doing this without any actual emotion being displayed by characters.

Depression: Guilt over spending four hours per month watching show mixed with grief over the possibility of final dissolution of Justin Bobby and Audrina takes you to the verge of tears.  Initial elation brought on by Natasha Bedingfield singing over the opening credits quickly turns to sadness, regret, and abject despair.

Acceptance: Admit that not only are you going to watch the new episode of The Hills at ten, but are also going to watch the recap of last week’s episode.  Think it is okay to do so as long as you ridicule the characters mercilessly.  Discuss possibility of own reality show involving you, roommates, and your very small apartment.  Consider calling it “Sweatpants in the City.”  Premise would be college educated 20-somethings working entry-level jobs and living within their means.  Highlights: making chicken, going to the gym at 6 am, dividing the Comcast bill, and discussing The Hills.

Advertisements
One Comment leave one →
  1. charles permalink
    October 24, 2008 7:54 pm

    Great
    I may have to even tivo this thing you speak of (or request that The Tivoess tivo it).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: