there ain’t no small parts in this circus
Around the holidays, and also around a time that we will refer to as Your Life, (this is celebrated by all major religions and atheists too) it’s important to remember to K.I.C.K., a helpful acronym for Keep It Classy Kid. Here are a few rules that I recently learned while attending a holiday work party, I think they will help you K.I.C.K. at life too.
1.) Always wear flannel, no matter what the occasion or who’s going to be there: Flannel. Wedding: Flannel. Bar mitzvah: Flannel. It helps if you can pair this with ripped jeans, converse, and some fresh track marks. If anyone looks at you funny just remind them that you are from Seattle, so you have to dress this way.
2.) Drink copiously, never out of cups. It is important when trying to K.I.C.K. to shun glasses, mugs, etc. and to drink everything straight from the bottle. It is especially nice to do this when polishing off your boss’ last bottle of Veuve at the company holiday party.
3.) Always accept cash handouts from twelve-year-olds. If the boss’ son offers you a buck, because even he feels bad about your flannel situation, take it. Far be it from you to turn down cold hard cash in this economy.
4.) Dance like others have lost the use of their eyes. You know that inspirational quote so popular in the high school yearbooks? well I suggest you take it one step further. Dance, not only like no one is watching, but like everyone on earth is actually blind and cameras were never invented.
5.) When all else fails, eat cheese. Lots and lots of cheese.