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i’m not a player i just crush a lot

February 3, 2009

For years I’ve been trying to figure out why people like text messages so much.  Why are they responding to a call with a text?  Why are entire relationships conducted on a 1” x 1” screen?  Then I realized that it’s because texts are kind of like going back to the days of letter writing.  And I know you’re thinking, yeah but what about emails?  Well what about emails?  I mean they’re creepy, everyone knows the only people who use the internet for romance are losers and pedophiles and that those words are synonymous.  Internet dating?  In the words of lolcats, “Bish pleez.”  I mean it’s hip to leave thousands of inside jokes on your friends’ facebook walls, but that should really be the extent of your public internet usage. 

Text messages are just so great because A. you can take them anywhere B. you can engage in them during work/class/jail C. you don’t have to respond immediately D. or ever E. you can get all sadistic and not respond for 3 days, and then act like you just got the message F. you never have to decide any of this immediately G. you can learn if someone is a qualified speller, if they like to make smiley faces like this :), or if they have an exclamation point fetish!!! H. You can find out if someone is going to actually attempt to put the word “sweet thang” into print. I. you can have soap opera conversations meaning a textual discussion about a mundane point that you can leave for 8 hours and then pick right up where you left off without missing a thing.

Talking on the phone is just too intense sometimes.  As my roommate so eloquently put it, “We’re not ready for voice on voice,” and what she was talking about was her and that guy, but what she meant was the entire human race. 

No, the collective we is not ready for voice on voice.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Kent McMIllan permalink
    February 3, 2009 5:11 am

    If you’ve ever read old letters or postcards from about 100 years ago, you’ve probably been struck by the sort of inane-seeming things that were the stuff of letters and postcards in the age before cheap long distance telephone calls. It would be interesting to compare a sample of modern text messages to written communication 100 years ago to see whether there really is much of a difference in content and level of expression.

    The comments sections of blogs naturally fall into an entirely unique category and so are exempt from any such comparison.

  2. Kent McMIllan permalink
    February 3, 2009 5:49 am

    For example, here’s a postcard from 1926:

    Cairo is just too wonderful. In this Mosque the Karan [sic] is taught every day – it’s really most interesting

    and another postmarked in 1921 at Pike’s Peak, Colorado:

    This is just as high up as we can get. I went 14,101 feet. The view up is grand. We are going down now.

    I’m thinking that the generic message might be:

    We are here, and you sadly are not.


  3. February 4, 2009 3:43 am

    We are here, and you, sadly, are not.
    We are here and, you, sadly, are not.
    You are here and we, sadly, are not.
    We, are here, and you, sadly, are not.
    Speaking and writing are, gladly, not even close.

  4. Kent McMIllan permalink
    February 4, 2009 4:14 am

    Hmmm. Well, I suppose that if the sentence

    We are here, and you sadly are not.

    were ambiguous or confusing, a comma would help sort it out.

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