getting off smack for obama
You know what phrase I just can’t get enough of these days? Role model. Turns out that these role models are everywhere. It’s like a secret society of famous singers and athletes who pretend that your four-year-old can be safe mimicking their every move, and then all of a sudden they’re shaving their heads while smoking crack and strangling kittens with their bare hands, and it’s like where did that come from? You start to think, I don’t really want my four-year-old to be doing that, but it’s too late, because the role models are like socialists or bagels or people who quote Anchorman, they’re EVERYWHERE. And the truth is some of these people aren’t even good-looking enough to model, much less roll, knowhatimsayin? Of course, it’s essential that a role model be incredibly good-looking and also freakishly talented at something, i.e. swimming or making music videos while wearing their underwear on the outside of their jeans.
Case in point: Michael Phelps. The man can swim. Fast. And if you’re a four-year-old whose ultimate aspiration is to cut through water like an incredibly toned seal, then by all means let M.P. be your guide, but remember no matter how good you are at swimming you should never let anyone videotape you doing drugs, unless you’re with Michael Phelps in which case it’s okay.