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i can haz intervu?

April 1, 2009

Interviews are kind of what I would imagine speed dating to be like: this is who I am, this is why you should like me, trust me, and hire me.  Well, maybe not the last part.  But you are attempting in a short amount of time to convince someone that you are chill but not stoned, smart but not nerdy, responsible but not anal, and fun too, fun, fun, fun, and responsible. 

This feeling is only exacerbated when the interviewer looks like he just stepped out of an ad for Australian surfboards.  Luckily, this doesn’t happen that often, but it did happen to me today, and let my tell you an interview is a bad place to experience the hot guy blackout.  This is a situation in which one leaves a conversation with an extremely attractive person having no idea what was talked about and only a vague sense of lots of expressive hand gestures and giggling.  This type of blackout is similar, but not identical to the Gucci blackout, and the 2 am cheeseburger blackout, all of which can be highly dangerous and/or embarrassing. 

At one point during said, interview I realized I was sitting really rigidly, and so in an attempt at a more nonchalant posture I attempted to cross my legs only to realize to my horror that my toes were now resting against the leg of the interviewer/undercover Australian surfboard model.  I executed a leg switch, but the possible grace of this move was hampered by the fact that we were sitting at one of those too-low tables that are really not tall enough for leg crossing in the first place.  There should have been no attempt at leg crossing, but there was.  Why?  Hot guy blackout. 

When asked about my hobbies I started talking about fencing like it was the only thing that made life worth living, but luckily interviewer/undercover Australian surfboard model was so intrigued that he wrote down the name of my fencing club (I love saying that) ostensibly to sign up for a class, but probably also to confirm my status as a member of the Olympic fencing team.

Then we shook hands to signal the end of the interview, but then started talking about live lobster transport in the U.S., a subject I know quite a bit about as it took up a whole chapter in the book on tape that my dad and I listened to when crossing the U.S. two summers ago.  Then we shook hands two more times and I stumbled out into the bright morning light feeling confused, disoriented, and euphoric, at which point I was nearly hit by a bus.     

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