Ask why not how high.

For two days now I’ve had this very bitter taste in the back of my mouth.  So today I did the thing, and googled my symptoms, and lo and behold other people have had this problem too, and it can be caused by ingesting pine nuts, which I had eaten not three days before.  I hadn’t been this excited since learning about tonsil stones.  I instantly felt relieved and exhilarated like someone who just found out they don’t have throat cancer.  I couldn’t help but to think that without the internet so much would be left to the imagination. 

I thought that if I could open a wormhole to the past I could tell them so much from my seat here in the front of the rollercoaster car:

It’s coming from the rats.  Don’t trust the white man.  Germany should be taken seriously.  It’s the pine nuts.

I’d like to do this for humanity, but I’ll admit that if I had the chance to whisper to my past self the only thing I would say is you’re gonna want those jellies sandals someday girl.