Ask why not how high.
For two days now I’ve had this very bitter taste in the back of my mouth. So today I did the thing, and googled my symptoms, and lo and behold other people have had this problem too, and it can be caused by ingesting pine nuts, which I had eaten not three days before. I hadn’t been this excited since learning about tonsil stones. I instantly felt relieved and exhilarated like someone who just found out they don’t have throat cancer. I couldn’t help but to think that without the internet so much would be left to the imagination.
I thought that if I could open a wormhole to the past I could tell them so much from my seat here in the front of the rollercoaster car:
It’s coming from the rats. Don’t trust the white man. Germany should be taken seriously. It’s the pine nuts.
I’d like to do this for humanity, but I’ll admit that if I had the chance to whisper to my past self the only thing I would say is you’re gonna want those jellies sandals someday girl.