i recently left my face in vegas
When we were in Las Vegas last weekend, it was like the blind leading the stupid. Seriously, we could not figure out where we were going, and would constantly be changing direction or losing a member who had gone off one way without the group. One time C charged ahead into a crowd of high rollers in a private room that didn’t even have an exit, and we all stood at the entrance staring in awe as she marched in looking like she knew exactly where she was going, which was nowhere. She turned around finally with a helpless look, and we waved her back with open arms. It’s important to employ the buddy system in Las Vegas. This is difficult when you go with six alpha females who are entirely sure that they are always right.
Our trip was a good mix of highbrow and lowbrow. For example, we went out to dinner at a nice sushi restaurant, but we also ate off the dollar menu at McDonalds. We lounged by the pool and discussed the current conflict in Iran, but we also talked about things that are not necessarily fit for print, and we also never talked about Iran. We made classy mixed drinks in our hotel room, but then got worried we weren’t partying hard enough and threw a cup of water at the ceiling. Someone may have thrown up. Someone also may have had a conversation with their reflection in the mirror of the elevator. Swing-set tattoos were discussed and then set aside as being mildly pedophilic.
No one could say we weren’t recession friendly though. We shared long island iced teas, and chocolate chip cookies. We swam in the peasant’s pool to avoid a $20 fee to get into the “European pool” which is Vegas speak for ‘topless pool.’ J even brought a backpack full of food including but not limited to: sausage links, beets, celery, and lettuce, when asked about these choices she said, “What? I was gonna make a salad.” Unfortunately, the room did not have a microwave so the sausage links went uneaten, but certainly not undiscussed. I took 12 honey packets from a café where we were eating bagels, and offered them to the girls to keep their morale up during the long hot days. They eyed the packets with hatred, but one was discovered mysteriously empty next to the unopened sausages the next morning. No one would admit to a late night honey craving so we had to conclude that Kanye West had snuck into our room and devoured it. Not out of the question when you are in Las Vegas.
We went to clubs with names like Ghostbar, Moon, and Mix, names that just scream MYSTERY! We danced like no one was watching, and honestly no one was, because it’s the off-season in Vegas and it’s also very very dark indoors. Which is why everyone in the clubs has a flashlight, which is neat. We had fun, and mostly because we like people named Giorgio.
They don’t have tap water in Vegas, and when you ask for water at a bar they will tell you so. Then they will offer to sell you a bottle of water for $5,000 and you will say yes and be grateful, even though you shouldn’t be. You will wonder if all the free water is being used for the fountain at the Bellagio, and then you will cry and someone will offer to buy your tears, because they are so thirsty, and then you will almost break even.
So that’s it, three days in Vegas, hate it or love it, it’s still out there in the desert, and it’s glowing, and if you go with a hilarious group of friends who like to make fun of you almost as much fun as they like to make fun of themselves you just might have a really good time.