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July 1, 2009

It may be that post 9/11 airport security measures will eventually begin to exert evolutionary pressure on the human race.  The results are obvious if not hopeful.  Being good at locating a laptop in a cluttered carry-on and then putting it quickly in a gray plastic bin is advantageous to not looking like a moron, and thus good for reproduction.  These genes will be more likely to survive.  So will alleles that code for being attracted to non-metallic jewelry, easy to remove shoes, and not making jokes about bombs when waiting for your watch to come through the x-ray.  Soon those people who like to carry a lot of change in their pockets will begin to die out.  Same goes for those fond of the pocket knife.  My father seems to be strong in this gene, often trying to carry not one but two pocket knives through airport security stations.  This has the carryover effect of causing the genetic offspring of these pocket knifers to walk quickly through metal detectors ahead of their fathers, and to not look back when an urgent bleat begins to sound behind them.  Survival of the fittest through homeland security.  People who are really fast at removing belts or other articles of clothing will thrive.  This is of course a characteristic that has more than one reproductive advantage.  Within time, lace-up shoes will disappear, signaling the dawn of what future anthropologists will refer to as The Flip Flop Age.  Sarcasm and facial expressions will slowly die out, replaced by seas of benign smiles that don’t make anyone think of terrorism.  Thick beards will be a distant memory, as well as dark hair, and transparent clothing will become all the rage on the runways.  Welcome to the future.  The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 2, 2009 9:04 pm

    These things I always have with me: my wallet, keys, flashlight and pocket knife. I feel no less prepared without one than the other.

  2. July 28, 2009 4:49 am

    First of all this is great.

    Secondly, it’s weird how people who hinge all value on the ability to reproduce, reproduce less. I was thinking about this the other day. Evolution believers have no problems with birth control. So those people have less kids. Religious zealots think evolution heresy, and consider birth control against God. So they have tons of kids. So being a religious zealot who doesn’t believe in evolution makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint.

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