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the zip-ties that bind

December 16, 2009

Sure I want to have kids and wear Ed Hardy, but I want to do it how Jon and Kate did.  I want to get paid for it.  My life would be so much more meaningful if I knew that every activity was backed by cash, and was at least partially scripted to make it seem like the headband I’m wearing should have the word vacancy printed on it (my head is a motel where no smart people are staying?).  A few story lines that someone should be considering:

I get a cat: Ramona & Cat Plus 1 (the cat)

I buy a magazine: Keeping up with My Subscriptions

I stare blankly at my friend: The Hills Have Eyes (a combination of a reality show and a horror movie)

I go for a jog: Not-Celebrity Not Very Fit Club

I put on a shirt and then I put on a different shirt: Straight Eye for the Shirt, Girrrrl!

I wash my clothes: Project Laundry

My apartment is cold in the winter: Part of The Real World

I look sympathetically at a pigeon’s gnarly foot: The Bird Whisperer

I get upset at my roommates: Making The Band 2: There Is No Band

I go to bed: So You Think You Can Sleep?

I copy something at my job: COPIES

The possibilities for a reality show about my life are basically endless.

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