I did not pay 100K for four years of DJ education so you could spin at the Crunch on Polk, young lady.
What is with all these holiday parties? Like I literally haven’t been able to hang out with my friends for two weeks because every freaking night they have like 3 holiday parties that they hit in tag-team style, and then call me at midnight, being all like, “Where’s the party at?” What’s my answer? Nothing, because I’m sleeping, not sitting next to the phone biting my nails and waiting for my own friends to be able to fit me into their schedule at 3 a.m.
I had yet to go to any holiday parties of my own, until last night, and so I showed up hating it on principle, and thinking that even though it was a Wednesday and I knew about 3 of the 30,000 people crowded into PariSoma, that I would probably stay up all night, just so I could send everyone I knew a mass text as the sun was rising that said, “Waddya you guys wanna do?”
I’m not that good at going to parties that are crowded and where I know next to no one, and so I usually spend a lot of time pretending to be thinking about something of great importance or glancing around like I’m looking for my friends who I was supposed to meet here, even though I wasn’t supposed to meet anyone here. So, I did what any normal person does, and that is go up to the bar and offer my services as a guest bartender. I don’t know why I like to pour drinks. I just do.
So there I am opening Trumers like they’re going out of style, which they were because our supply was dwindling rapidly, and dealing with people who want inexplicable drinks like Malibu and club soda, because they are “allergic to beer,” and like to walk around like the world owes them Malibu and club soda, which I can tell you is not a drink that anyone owes anyone. So anyway, the hard liquor supply is almost gone and the bar is littered with empty handles of this that and the other thing, and pretty much all we have left is this bottle of brandy, which I am telling people mixes really well with club soda and actually tastes a lot like Malibu. They aren’t really having it, but some of them are, or else they’re playing a trick on their friend, like this one guy who asked for a mixture of Malibu and brandy. Where did all this Malibu come from? Actually I know where it came from, and that is the most hilarious thing I learned all night, and would LOVE to divulge here, but I think it’s kind of a secret (a really really good one)! Sorry.
When the alcohol runs out I split, because I’m not going to sit there pouring water for these people, and pretending it’s club soda or something. I head over to find Katie at the DJ “booth” because she is one of the only people I actually have met before I came here, and I would like to see what kind of jams she’s about to pump into this place. So there we are discussing something or other, and these two guys come up and we introduce ourselves and one of them says that my Citysearch list of incredibly cheap places to drink beer on Divis totally scooped their site, and it makes me feel that silly kind of good like when you’re the last person to get to the bus stop, but the bus stops right in front of you and you’re the first person on.
Katie runs off to say hi to someone she knows (I don’t know what this feels like) and I’m left to man the DJ booth alone, which is when things start to unravel. Some dude comes up to me with his iPhone at the ready and tells me that he has about three days worth of the hottest indian house music, and he wants to play it RIGHT NOW. I’m not particularly intrigued, but am also not particularly not intrigued so I allow it, because really what am I gonna do? He plugs it in, and if by “indian house music” he meant Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” then yes that’s what it was. Everyone (not really but some people) turn to look at me like I am not doing justice to the memory of DJ AM, and Katie rushes back, and we spend 5 minutes trying to figure out what exact song has the perfect frequency to totally cancel out “I Gotta Feeling.”
I don’t recall exactly what we chose – I was at a party trying to enjoy myself not just taking notes so I could write about it in this blog – but whatever it was it probably would have made AM pretty proud.