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i’m on to you

December 27, 2009

It’s like when you go grocery shopping for the first time with someone you’re dating, and I don’t know about other people, but I am always the one who is NOT cooking the dinner, or even having any ideas about what should be cooked.  It’s not that I don’t eat or think about food on a daily basis, but when someone who I LIKE suddenly asks me what vegetable would go well with a roast, my mind pretty much cannot think of one single vegetable that I have ever liked or even one that I have ever eaten.  And it’s not like I should be surprised that they’re asking this question I mean this is a grocery store, asking and answering questions about food is pretty much the name of the game here.

During times like this I typically end up, and I literally don’t know how I find these things, but I have a sixth sense for those little cards they have in the produce section at Safeway that say like “Carrot” on one side and then on the back it tells you how to make something with that carrot.  I’m not sure who these people are who walk into the grocery store, realize they don’t know what a vegetable is, and must immediately start flipping through flashcards like they’re five minutes away from the hardest multiplication test ever.  I mean I do it, but it’s not like I really want to know a good recipe for carrot. I’m just trying to act like I want to know a good recipe for a carrot so this curly-haired guy who takes me to the grocery store will think I know what a carrot is.

Of course, sometimes this guy walks over to you, while you’re LEARNING!, and asks what you’re doing with that “Sweet Potato” card clutched in your sweaty little palm, and you turn and ask in what you think (pray) is a casual and completely rhetorical manner (because those are the only kinds of questions you ask at this point in the date), “God who reads these things?  Let’s go make a soufflé!”  To which he’ll usually reply, “Oh I already did that while you were over here reading.”  And as he saunters away toward the cash register you’re left frantically searching for the card that tells you what goes well with “Souffle”.  Carrots?

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