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The Things They Tweeted by Tim O’Brien

September 6, 2009

The things they tweeted were largely determined by necessities: their own and ones they thought other people had.  Among the necessities there were no near-necessities only absolutes, and some of the absolute necessities were what happened on the bus this morning, a picture of themselves in Cabo, a short treatise on the genius of Andy Samberg, 140 witty characters on the fact that they’re about to go to bed, an incredibly shallow look at universal healthcare, and something ripped off from a Modest Mouse song.  Together these entries took up some unknown amount of space on the web, and were read by a total of 5 people, who they called followers, and who were mainly their mother and father and an ex-girlfriend or two.  Jesse Sitwell, who was a prolific writer, wrote extra tweets, sometimes as many as 4 a day.  Jen Combs, who was fired from her job for tweeting about her boss’ adult acne, changed her account settings so that only friends were able to read about the skin issues that plagued her boss.

By necessity, and because everyone else did it they all occasionally tweeted a few lines describing themselves in an oblique fashion as if to say that their lives were almost too infinitely complex to describe with mere language, but that they would try for the sake of their followers, who they called “mom” because she was, who in reading these tweets realized that she really did not want to know what her son was thinking all the time or that he had never really learned how to spell. 

They tweeted about a lot of things, but almost never did these tweets include the complete spelling of the word Thanks. 

They hoped that their tweets said I don’t really want to do this, but I have so many friends that the only way I can let them know how I’m doing is to post my feelings about DJ AM’s death on the internet, but what it really said was something totally different that was actually closer to making their lives like a Modest Mouse song than they probably realized.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 7, 2009 7:49 am

    Somebody messaged me the other day to say, “OMG your next tweet is your thousandth, better make it count!” So I thought about it for a sec and then tried my best to make it count ( Good move?

  2. Rhett permalink
    September 9, 2009 8:49 pm

    You’re like a more literate Andy Milonakis:

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