Dear Audio Diary,
I’m dictating this to you on the bus, because I had to really scramble to get out of the house this morning. I got in this whole fight with X that started when I woke up at 4:20 a.m. and had to go to the bathroom, and when I got back he was all mad, because he thought I had woken him up on purpose to try to make some kind of joke about smoking weed or something, and it was exasperating, because literally he is always making these 4/20 jokes. Like when it’s 8:40, he’ll be all like “What time is it two of right now?” And it’s like what you’re saying doesn’t even make sense. So I was like, “I’m not trying to fucking make some social commentary about drugs I just had to pee.” And after that he didn’t talk to me anymore for like 2 hours, or at least I assume he didn’t because I was asleep.
So I woke up and turned over and all of a sudden he’s talking to me again and he’s asking me about this story I had told him yesterday about when Jim accidentally brought peanut butter into the office and one of the clients flipped out because if she even goes into a room with nuts in it, and then goes home, her daughter will like die just from looking at her mom’s face after she has seen a nut. It’s like some weird peanut expression allergy.
X had met Jim once before, but I guess he didn’t remember him, cause he was like, “Wait which one is Jim again?” And I’m like explaining that Jim is an associate, he just passed the bar, really into mountain climbing, blah blah blah. But it’s not ringing any bells, and X is like, “What does he look like?” And I’m like well he’s tall, he has legs, and dark hair, and then I’m getting pretty fed-up with this game, so I say, “He’s black.” And X looks at me with this horrified expression, and is all like, “You can’t say stuff like that.” And I mean really Audio Diary is it racist to admit there are other races, and that people typically belong to one of them? I could have gone on for hours and hours about how Jim wears shirts and sometimes has a 5 o’clock shadow and sometimes not, but it’s like I’m gonna be late for work. I mean, if you’re looking at a Where’s Waldo, and Waldo is wearing a striped shirt, and he’s the only one in the picture wearing a striped shirt is it so freaking wrong to notice that he’s wearing a striped shirt so you can win the game? I tried to explain this to X, but he just kept saying “Not PC,” over and over like an automaton, and I got so fed-up with this game of cat and dumb cat that I just walked out of the room. I mean I was in such a huff after having been called a drug abuser and a racist before 8 a.m., that I just stormed out without even saying “I love you” or “that shirt doesn’t go with those pants” or any of the things that you’re supposed to say to your loved ones in a post 9/11 world.