will you get off my cat’s dick already?
I’ve liked cats for a long time. I mean like way before cats blew up on the internet I was in cat 4H, taking Ms. Victoria my purebreed Ragdoll to cat shows and dressing her up as a cheerleader for the Island County Fair. Then Ms. Victoria was eaten by a coyote we buried a bloody clump of her pale gray fur in a satin box in the yard. Ms. Victoria, was a real cat’s cat, whiny, solitary, cranky as hell, and she was sorely missed until Blacky came along three weeks later.
In those days, you didn’t want to tell many people you were in Cat 4H for fear of ridicule and never having a boyfriend even though you were eight, and seeming more like Mallory from The Baby Sitter’s Club than Dawn from The Baby Sitter’s Club. YouTube didn’t exist, but if it had no one would have thought you were funny if you posted a video of your cat trying to climb into an envelope and mail itself to Malaysia. They would have thought you were a witch. These days, it seems like you can’t throw-up without getting it all over a self-proclaimed cat lover, and where did all these cat lovers come from? Where were they 15 years ago, when I was stuffing my snarling kitty into a harness and showing a table of scowling meter maids just how clean its ears were? I’ll tell you where they were, with their dogs.